Tuesday it all felt like too much and unexpected tears were trembling on the cusp of falling at the slightest prompt. I think a lot of people have those days right? Where you didn't even know you were overwhelmed until it is too late and you're crying in a coffee shop because it all seems so stupid and hopeless? If I'm the only one, please don't tell me because I ended up feeling better with the help of some good art friends and I suspect it was cathartic. If a few tears aren't shed, you probably aren't doing it right, right?
So I felt better but weary. Then I remembered, The Jacket.
The Jacket was sent to me by McCall Bennett- Lawrence a woman of magical connection I found on Facebook. Before we were "friends" I noticed her "friends in common" were childhood friends in Cleveland, a former High School boyfriend from Pittsburgh, my college roommate from Maine (I went to school in Baltimore) and LA friends that play music with my husband Greg. I have never not known someone, who knows so many people from every fragmented moment of my life. I'm sure our paths have crossed. I'm sure our experiences would weave together a tapestry that made sense but seeing all those disparate connections on another FB profile was shocking.
So we became digital friends over the years and her good humor, kindness and generous spirit was always welcome in my social media life. One day in a thread mocking J. Crew paint splattered jeans, she suggested I splatter some for her. How fun. Why not?
Guess what, she sent me a jacket to trash.
She also told me to check the pocket. In that pocket was $30.
If thirty "surprise" dollars seems like nothing you, I suspect you don't understand how much art supplies cost or milk for that matter.
I wore the jacket all day yesterday, to the art supply store, to the parent teacher conference, to the local food co-op. I felt wrapped in a cloak of magical thinking, protected from the faulty logic of stress induced worry and what I now realize was a nasty cold coming on.
That is all this art game is, stories and supplies and work...always the work.
I have wanted to try the Golden Open Acrylics for some time. I think I'll like them but even if I don't I know it will be interesting. Surprise money should not go towards tried and true. I'm not sure why but this seemed right.
This and a few bucks for an iced tea is what $30 buys. You know how some paintings just look better? Part of it is the artist but a lot of it is good materials. If it ain't Koons and you're still wondering why the hell it costs so much, this is part of the reason.
I'm going to wear that damn jacket every studio day until it looks sufficently trashed. McCall will get it sent back knowing it was cherished.